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Page i2 - Sug~~.6~ted Visitation Guidelines for parents
of the few times that the father has personal rnntact with the children and for that reasun -
. should be a meaningful one for both the father and the children. Even though the parents
have not been able to get along, the children stilt need both parents if they are to grow up
in a normal way.
9.ORen a father questions where he wilt take the children on the visits and what he
should plan in the way of amusement for them. particularly if they arc young children.
Activities may add to the pleasure of a visit. but most important of all is the father's in-
volvement with the children. A giving of himself is more important than whatever
material things fie may give them.
Of course this can be a difficult balance to strike when the children act as though
they are bored with the father's company in uneventful visitation - but a feverish round
of tiring holiday-type activity ~?ith every visitation period may be interpreted by the
child, or the ex-wife, as a crude, shallow and counter-productive effort to purchase sym-
pathy.
i0. The visit should not be used to check on the other parent. The children should
not be pumped for this kind of information. They should not be used as. little spies. Often
in the child's perception the parents hate each other, and he will feel uncomfortable at
the time of the visit. In his mind, if he does anything to please the visiting parent, he may
invite outright rejection by his other parent. He has already lost one parent in his mind,
and is fearful of losing the other.. For this reason parents should show mutual respect for
each other..
11. The child may be left with many problems following visits. and both parents
~ should make every effort to discuss them and to agree on ways to deal with them.
I ~ 12. Both parents should strive for agreement in decisions pertaining to the children,
E especially regarding discipline, so that one parent is not undermining the other parent's
efforts.
13. The use of common sense in the granting and exercising of visitation rights is
~ required by all parties concerned. Also try to follow along-established ru{e of "Do Unto
I ~ Others As You Would Have Them Do Unto You". ~ .
14. Keep in mind that your child's or children's future attitude, outlook and
emotional development is important and that uncomplicated visitation, as normal :is
possible under the circumstances, is necessary. To the greatest extent possible. the child
should know and have the lout and the proper guidance of both parents.
It is recognized that these guidelines will not answer every problem which may
arise. Nor wilt they solve all questions raised, but it they assist in a time of crisis and
i stress then they are useful and are worthy of your attention.
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READ AND RE-READ THESE GUIDELINES. ADD IN WRITING YOUR
OWN ADDITIONAL GUIDELINES BOTH YOU AND YOUR CHILD OR
_ CHILDREN WILL BENEFIT. DISCUSS, WHEN PRACTICABLE, YOUR
~ THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS WITH OTHERS YOU TRUST AND FEEL COM-
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PORTABLE WITH.
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