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JAM R Ei J. BUTLRR
AT'i'ORdTl~Y AT LAN -
6~1 RA9T OORAlr SOULRVARD O dT[TART. FLORIDA AA~Af O T~LRPRO1fR ~~-d6dd (ARRA OOD¦ 6083
BUOOEBTED OUIDEUNEB FOR PARENT8 IN REPARATION i OtVORCE ACTIONS
1. Think first of your child's or children's present and future emotional and mental
well being before acting. This will be diJ)'fcult bxause of your own feelings, needs and
emotions but try -try - try.•
2. Maintain your own composure and a good emotional balance as much as possi-
ble. and in talking to yourself (verbally and in your thoughts) remember it's not the end
_ of the world. Laugh when you can and try to keep a sense of hmor. Remember that what -
your children see in- your attitudes is to some measure reflected in theirs. -
3. Allow yourself and your children time for re-adjustment. Convalescence from an
emotional- operation such as dissolution of marriage is essential.
4. Remember the-best parts of your marriage. Share them with your children and
use them constructively.
S. Assure your children that they are nut to blame for the breakup, and that they are
nut being rejex:ted or abandoned. Children, especially the young un~~., often mitakrnly
feel they have done something wrong and believe that the problems in the family are-the
result of their own misdeeds. Small children may feel that some action or secret wish of
theirs has caused the trouble between their parents. -
6. Continuing anger or bitterness toward your former partner can injure your
~ children far more than the dissolution itself. The feelings you show are more important
~ than the words you use. "
~ 7. Refrain from voicing criticism of the other parent. It is difficult but ahsulutrh-
- necessary. Fur a child's healthy development, it is important for him to respect both
parents. -
8._Do not force or encourage your child to take sides. To do so often hurts the child
by creating frustration, guilt and resentment. •
9. Try not to upset a child's routine too abruptly. Children need asense of continui--
ty and it is disturbing to them if they must cope with too many changes all at once.
10. Dissolution of a marriage often leads to financial pressures on both parents.
When there is a financial crisis, the parents' first impulse may be to keep the children
E from realizing it. Often, they would rather make sacrifices themselves than ask the child
to do so. The atmosphere is healthier when there is frankness and when children are ex-
pected to help. .
i I I . Marriage breakdown is always hard on the children. They may not always show
~ their distress or realize at first what this will. mean to them. Parents should be direct and
simple in telling children what is happening and why. and do so in a way a child ran un-
derstand and digest. This will vary with the circumstances and with each child's age and
comprehension. Tha worst course is to .try to hush thin6s up and make a child fat he
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